A Gentleman’s Point of View
Meet Jim & Jan McCarter , The Keys Truckers
Tolerance is perhaps the greatest gift you learn from listening to another person’s point of view and realizing there is always more to the story if you take some time to listen and learn. We can all benefit from being more courteous to those around us. The following is a message from Jim McCarter and his Wife Jan McCarter.
I myself have heard just about enough about how we guys out here on the road are a bunch of sexist pigs.
Yes this career is definitely geared toward males and we are the majority of the workforce. I don’t mind sharing the road or other amenities with females because they bring a different light to us out here on the road. If I see a woman out on the highway I give her just as much respect as a male because she is, like me, a driver.
When I hold open a door for a lady at truck stop, it’s just because of the way I was raised. I don’t have any hidden meanings when I extend this courtesy because when I have a guy walking in close behind me I’ll hold the door for him also. This doesn’t mean I want anything from them in return. A nice thank you (which I get from all the guys) from a woman is always a plus.
It just means that they appreciate the thought. Sometimes words don’t even have to be spoken. A smile from her will get me to nod my head and smile back. Just about the same thing with guys happens too. It’s common courtesy to do these things for one another. I do not discriminate as to what a women looks like. Any shape or size or any color skin don’t matter because I only see a female.
Some females think however that if a “gentleman” opens a door for them and they reply that it’s an open invitation to start a conversation and ask them back to their truck for a quickie, so they don’t acknowledge them at all. If I get snubbed after I either hold or open a door for a lady I really don’t let it bother me. If she didn’t appreciate my southern upbringing or my good manners, then shame on her and I’ll remember her as a “difficult and bothered” person, but I’ll still open the door for her next time.
If some guy or guys out here engage in sexist talk on the radio about how a certain girl looks or how they would love to do them or whatever, you can count on me not being in on the conversation. I rarely have my radio on unless I need to converse with a shipper/receiver on a certain channel or there is a backup of traffic.
I think that is the norm these days anyhow mainly because a lot of drivers like me are just “tired” of the stupidity being spread out over the airwaves. There is nothing but stress and strife aired out over the citizens band radio any way’s so I really don’t need to listen to that crap anyhow.
Another thing about women on the road, they don’t have to prove anything to me or anyone else. If they, like all the other drivers, just get out here and do their job then all is well in the world. Letting what other people think about you bother you are not being productive. I have the mentality that out of all the people I see today I will probably never see again anyways so who really cares when anyone thinks of me. But, there is one important factor in this. If I act respectfully and show respect towards the men and women I share this profession with then I will not be remembered. But, if I act like a bastard and complain about women all the time, then someone might remember me in that way.
So, if you are a woman that has classified me and my friends out here as just sexist pigs who want nothing more from you than to degrade you and get in your pants then you don’t know me and about 95 percent of us men. If a few of us got out of hand why do you have to classify all of us as assholes?
I’m just saying….
Jim McCarter (Keystrucker) The Keystruckers.com You can follow Jim on Twitter @KeysTrucker
Jim and I were talking last night about the woman Vs man thing and I told him how a friend had mentioned that she’d like to hear the Man’s side of story so Jimmy made the post above!
He was raised in the south and has a habit of saying sweetie and honey a lot, but he was raised that this is how men should treat women and that it was a compliment and respectful thing to do. I too feel that this is a good thing and I appreciate the sweetie, and honey when the door gets opened or when they are just saying Good Morning Honey! I have never read anything else into it because there is nothing else to read!
I don’t ever want my husband to stop being courteous to anybody just because a few may perceive his gestures as perverted. We were all raised in different parts of the country and in different ways. Being a Trucker really opens your eyes to this. We must be more open minded and positive.
Also many of these drivers out here have been alone for so long they actually have lost any and all social skills they may have once had. I smile and say good morning to everyone I see almost every morning and if someone takes it the wrong way, so be it! I still feel good about myself.
The longer you are out here, the more you actually understand!
Jan McCarter (Keystruckergal) The Keystruckers.com You can follow Jan on Twitter @KeysTruckerGal
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I Am Not Good With Words as My Dear Friend james Mccarter But He Is On The Money, Here, My Sentiments Excatly
At the Pilot truck stop yesterday, two men rushed to open the doors for me, for I had my hands full. I could have managed, but I appreciated the courtesy. Courtesy is always appreciated by me…
Perhaps it is just the areas that I have been traveling in recently, but I have noticed a lot less sexist “chatter” on the CB radio. Actually, it’s been pretty quiet out here, so I can’t help but wonder what happened to the CB comraderie? I don’t miss the sexist pig comments, however. As for “honey”, I call a LOT of people “honey”. I have a loving heart, calling someone “honey” just comes naturally to me and it is certainly a lot nicer term than one’s I have heard out here.
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I love that Jim took the time to write this post.
There are some Women who are Hypersensitive for a variety of reasons but at the end of the day being courteous is what counts.
Since I was a child people thought I was in a bad mood because I have little facial expressions, I didn’t know this because I can’t see my face, you can.
It often annoyed me when people came up to me and told me to smile. I wasn’t mad or upset, I just was lost in thought I guess.
One day I was walking down the street in town I lived in for many years. I always went to the same place but this day I stopped at another place and I paused in the doorway.
I told the guy I was from down the street and blah, blah, blah and he said “I know who you are, everyone knows who you are” I said “You Do?, Why don’t you ever say Hi to me?”
He said “Because you don’t say Hi to me & I thought you were stuck up”
I laughed and said I was sorry, I’m just in my own world most of the time and I would remember that from now on.
I always make a point to say Hello and hold open doors for Men & Women.
I am rather serious by nature so I have to take extra effort to pay attention to these things.
I am often delivering to Walmart Distribution Centers and they have a policy that you have to wave at each other when you pass another Walmart Driver.
Because I have the Walmart Trailer I get the Wave also and I really enjoy the sense of commaraderie.
I also understand the hypersensitive reaction because after my Rape I had a difficult time being in public.
When people stared at me I would get upset and sometimes had outbursts.
My Husband at the time would say “Let’s not go out because you might yell at someone for looking at you and you know they will”
That he brought it to my attention helped me a lot. We talked about how I felt and he told me a man’s point of view.
This helped me turn the corner and not be so sensitive.
That was in the mid 90’s and I enjoy saying hello and having the door held open & I enjoying seeing the men smile when I hold it open for them.
We are all cranky from time to time and get lost in our thoughts but we can all try a little harder to be more courteous.
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I’d like to say that the way you speak often represents where you come from. I grew up in NY ( 10 miles north of the city) in Westchester county.
There was no “sweetie”, “honey”, “sugar”, “darling”, or anything like that. If someone ( a man) DID say that to you, it usually meant there was an underlying intention.
Since I moved to ” the South” in Florida, I realized that these terms are much more commonly used and I have accepted them. I will say that I accept them as terms of endearment from a women much more so than from a man. I’m still uncomfortable if a man says them to me and I have NEVER heard Allen call a women anything other than either their name or m’am.
He’s from OK (Is that the south? I guess so, it’s south of Jersey), and his mother does call me honey which I am quite fond of.
With all that being said, I think we come from different cultural upbringings within our own country and thus the verbal communication among ourselves can be quite different.
As far as smiling and holding doors goes, that’s a courtesy that I abide by ALL the time. I smile and say hello to everyone when the opportunity arises because I enjoy doing it. I will wait for someone and hold the door for them, I will get off a line to hold a door open for someone who is carrying something heavy, and just plain try to be helpful if the occasion calls for it. That’s just plain trying to be nice. I appreciate it very much when it is done for me.
I will say that Allen and I have been married now for quite a few years, and he still opens all doors for me. He is exceptionally respectful to all women also, more so than I’ve ever known any other man to be. I guess that’s why when the sexual harassment and abuse topics started to arise a couple of years ago, he was almost shocked that it was occurring in such levels of downright abuse. He found it appalling that such behavior may be covered up and dismissed by any of the companies.
It wasn’t until women were no longer afraid or ashamed to come out and write or talk about these abuses, that he began to receive personal emails and phone calls to confirm that “yes indeed” it does occur. Then to confirm it further, he spoke to a few trainers that said they knww it was happening but never said anything until now ( what’s that? The trainer honor code?)
This is not acceptable at all and we expect something to be changed within the industry to protect ANYONE in either a vulnerable position or potentially dangerous/abusive situation.
We have a paper in the process which will be completed shortly and will WARN and ADVISE all drivers about potentially abusive, intimidating, or potentially dangerous driving situations, especially if you are a new driver in training.
Disrespect and or abuse is not occurring from the man who, opens the door for you or calls you sweetie, but it is happening by a few who are allowed to be put in a position of power and authority over another… in an isolated environment such as trainer/trainee or a driver/co-driver.
This must be addressed and nipped immediatley.
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Jimmy I appreciate you taking the time to write your perspective.
I know my response will probably ruffle a few feathers, but good grief, there is nothing wrong with enjoying being treated like a lady. I like having doors opened, my chair pulled out, cigarette lit,and yes, the occasional whistle, none of these things mean anymore than what they are, it is what it is.